Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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