I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
