i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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