so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
