another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
