Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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