She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
