I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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