Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
