I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Randomize
