I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
