Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
