Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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