Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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