well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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