the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
