Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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