I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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