just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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