New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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