I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
