He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
