No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
