I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
