My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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