this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
