what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
