Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
