If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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