You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
