What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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