you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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