I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
