how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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