Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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