Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
