I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
