why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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