lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
