either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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