There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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