the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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