Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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