I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
