mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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