Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
