She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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