Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
