i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Someone signed my nipple.
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