i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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