I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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