so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
