You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
