My nipple is on Facebook.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
