I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
