The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
