yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
