I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
