She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
