Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
