One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
