i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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