I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
