you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
