I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize