Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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