remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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