Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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