I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
